tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
