Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
