I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
