She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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