ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
