Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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