the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
