Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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