I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
