Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
