i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
