Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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