And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
