4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
