I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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