sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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