I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
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I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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