I heard we made out
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
