Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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