Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
