8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
