I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
