i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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