I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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