he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
