Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
