She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
