I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
