i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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