are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
