1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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