i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
