Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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He called his prostate his "boner button".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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