So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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