I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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