he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
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Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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