So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
