her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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