Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm like, not good at living.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
