You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
