WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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