Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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