i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
