She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize