mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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