never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
