took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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