There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
