How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
