this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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