hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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