Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
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I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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