apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he laminated a picture of his dick.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
