she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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