So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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